Offworld Cookery

Offworld Cookery

2 Seasons

Welcome to Offworld Cookery, a tragic outdoor food spasm following two or sometimes three when he can be fucking bothered inebriated Northern English morons and their failed attempts at cooking three course meals in the wilderness. You may pick up some useful culinary techniques... but we fucking doubt it.

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Offworld Cookery
  • Fine Dining

    Episode 1

    Paul, Chico, and Alessandro are back with another season of outdoor food cockery! This time, these three English gents actually have a table! Can these posh pricks maintain such a high level of decorum?

  • English Breakfast

    Episode 2

    There's enough dope and rum in this breakfast that you'd swear it was straight from Sunnyvale. Join the Offworld Cookery team for an early-morning fucked-up exploration of the full English breakfast!

  • Explorers

    Episode 3

    Join an expedition with revered winter big-bollocks Captain Scott in the ACTUAL barren terrain of Antarctica. Too much sugar, too much powdered shit, and not nearly enough women.

  • Hospital Food

    Episode 4

    Chico makes the best of a medical emergency by not letting his kidney go to waste. Instead, he's jamming it into a fucking pie, served alongside chicken soup and some kind of berry-nut-rum-jizz dessert!

  • Law and Order

    Episode 5

    Alessandro is under the frightening custody of Officer Paul Kerry, a man with no safe word. These three sorry shits manage to put together some horrible porridge, some surprising souffle, and dry prison brownies -- all before Judge Chico determines Alessandro's fate.

  • Mel Gibson

    Episode 6

    It's a tribute to a cinematic icon as the Offworld dicks dress like their favourite Mel Gibson characters and feast on Mel-inspired meals. Guest starring the voice-over talents of the raging, frothing, heavy-breathing maniac himself!

  • School Dinners

    Episode 7

    Time for some schoolyard nostalgia with two gonads known as "Sir" and "The Boy!" It's just like a day at school, except the milk gets you drunk and the science experiment gets you high!

  • Halloween

    Episode 8

    Three ghoulish food fucks cook up some fearsome food, highlighted by a dessert of OJ Simpson's Gingerbread Glove. Meanwhile, glittery cock-faced Hitler pumpkin keeps grim watch.